Everything Life Has to Offer by Shari Kasman

Author:Shari Kasman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Invisible Publishing
Published: 2016-10-24T16:00:00+00:00

British Cat

After a succession of failed relationships, Scarlett decided to get a cat as a reliable companion. She had only ever dated men from England and figured it would be best if the cat came from the U.K. as well. Scarlett had listened with piqued interest as her exes told stories about everything from puddles and dirt to the history of the Chunnel. When they’d say, “Garbage, rubbish, it looks like bloody hell,” Scarlett would giggle and say, “Awww, honey, I love you even more now than I did before.” They all had paper-thin noses and arms that dangled like wet noodles, but they could chase a football around a field for hours. She was certain she could find those same qualities in a British cat.

To import a cat from England, all Scarlett had to do was complete an online cat immigration form that included a list of essential criteria for her domestic cat partner: male, normal, personable, born and raised in England, white, one hundred percent purebred, honest, nice, loving, attractive, no physical or emotional defects, good sense of humour, trustworthy, smart, loyal, good-looking, and laid-back. In the comment box, Scarlett wrote: I want this cat to be perfect for me and I promise to take good care of him just like a cat owner should. If the cat has bad teeth that’s okay because I already know how things are over there.

She received several options based on her request. Profile photos of the potential matches showed some cats ultra-casual in hooded sweatshirts and others more formal in blazers and top hats. Her ideal cat would not appear to have just returned home from the dump. He would be presentable, groomed, and content to laze around on any pillow. He would have an attitude fit for royalty. Scarlett picked the one that best fit her criteria. The cat she chose was well-dressed and attractive. He appeared to be smart and easygoing, plus he had no children of his own.

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